delusional and whatnot

I came down with something last night. Not sure what I have. Some sort of stomach bug, I guess. My sweet hubs stayed home today to take care of the kids so I could stay in bed. I'm not feeling like I need to puke at this very juncture, so I thought I would post about the crazy ass dreams I had this morning when I was sleeping until 10AM.


I was home, living with my parents and brothers, a teenager again. I found myself taking a shower and when I got out I wrapped my decidedly skinny body into a ragged yellow towel, the kind of towels that we had when I was growing up. (My mom was always too cheap to buy new towels and I used to swear to myself that when I was an adult I would always have nice, big, fluffy towels. And I do.) I walked out of the bathroom and someone walked by and handed me a piece of paper. It was a new story that had just come over the line. My brother's friend, Kyle D. was trapped underground and likely dead. I began sobbing and walking through the house looking for Jason. I told him the news and the tears began to fall for him too.

We got dressed and went to the place where Kyle was trapped. It was across from a ski hill and hundreds of people were skiing, all while heavy equipment and many volunteers were working to dig Kyle out of the ground. I am not sure how he had gotten so far underground. It was snowing on the ski hill, but we had spring time weather across the way where we were.

I saw my friend Holly, Kyle's older sister and my friend laying in the grass. We talked and cried. It was confirmed that Kyle had not made it. After Holly went to be with her family I walked to this cabin near by. I walked inside and there were bunk beds everywhere. My stuff was hanging from one of the bunk beds. I started looking through my things and realized that I was in a religious camp. The windows were yellow stained glass, which covered the entire inside of the building in a strange, puke yellow glow. (Hey, funny, I've been puking and there was a puke yellow glow!)

A cute guy came over and started hitting on me. We decided to go into the bathroom and have sex. Inside the bathroom we made out like animals, and then he told me that he didn't want to have real sex, just "pretend" sex. I begged him for the real thing, but he said he didn't like real sex. Suddenly, in walked two men. They were the religious leaders of the camp. They both wore cheap dress pants, short sleeved button down shirts, and large, framed glasses. They told my boyfriend to leave and they began yelling at me. They told me that I would now have to be locked inside the building for 3 months to teach me to not be such a slut.

I began to run from room to room, looking for a way out. Many of the windows weren't real windows as it turned out. Finally, I found a window that I was able to get out of. As I began to rip through the screen I saw that there was yellow tinged ice water filling the yard and the streets. A police officer was sitting outside of the window talking to some people. I begged him to just let me go, not to bring me back inside the building. He shrugged his shoulders and said "ok". I jumped from the window into the icy, yellow water and began to swim. Chunks of ice were scraping my legs and I was freezing, but I didn't care. I just wanted away from there.

I noticed that there were young people like me driving the same car and they seemed to be escaping from the town. I asked someone about the cars and was told that I could get one for free. I began to swim to the place where I could get a car.

A new dream must have started then, because now I was an adult and married to Scott, and we had our children. We were at home, living in a trailer. The kids were outside playing and Scott was mowing the lawn. I looked outside the window in time to see Scott throwing the mower at Regan. It missed her and she and the other kids came running inside. Scott was mad and turning abusive. (No, this dream was no in any way representing real life.) I gathered the kids and told them that once daddy started mowing again we needed to quietly leave the house through the front door. We were leaving. We heard the mower start up and we headed outside, the car in sight. I felt fear and worried that Scott would realize what was going on before we had a chance to get away.

And then I woke up.