A Day in the Life of Coen

My 17 month old, Coen, is a busy boy. I mean, REALLY busy. I would have a hard time keeping up with him even if I wasn't dealing with the health issues that are plauging me of late. I decided to document a morning with him so that I can paint a clear picture of just how crazy this kid is. The following are the events of Coen from this morning.

7:45 AM-I stumble downstairs after a night of Coen waking up constantly and screeching to nurse way more times than I was able to count. Coen was crying about something as I came down the stairs and was less than happy when I didn't pick him up the moment he laid eyes on me.

7:55-I'm sitting on the couch drinking my morning coffee. (Note: I do not like to be interrupted while drinking my first cup of coffee for the day. I need that coffee to be able to function.) I can hear Regan laughing in the kitchen and she them yells for me to come in and see Coen. As I roll my eyes I got off the couch and walked to the kitchen to find Coen sitting cross-legged on top of the table eating Braden's cereal and drinking his juice. After a moan and another eye roll I sat down at the table to finish my coffee while Coen polished off Braden's breakfast.

8:10-Coen is still on the table eating cereal, expect by this time he is finishing Regan's cheerios and he is also sipping the last drops of coffee out of my cup that I had inadvertently left next to him on the table. Great caffeine!

8:15-I began to clean up the massive Cheerio mess off of the kitchen table as Scott took Coen to change his diaper. (Have I mentioned that the smell of wet Cheerio's makes me gag?) Once Scott got Coen's diaper changed he left him otherwise unclothed as the clothes I had picked out for him to wear today were still in the dryer.

8:17-Coen has pulled his diaper off and is now running through the house naked and giggling like a mad person.

8:20-As I tackled the disaster of a mudroom Coen jumps on my legs and hits my back, still giggling and still very much naked.

8:22-After I protested loudly Scott rescued me from the abuse and took Coen to the living room to put his diaper back on and get him dressed.

8:25-Coen is back in the mudroom and I am in the closet trying to organize the thousands of pairs of shoes that had previously been littering the mudroom floor. Coen reaches behind a bucket in the closet and pulls out a rotten pear. Aha! There is the pear that I had wanted to serve with lunch six days ago, but which suddenly and oddly went missing while I was preparing the sandwiches that I was also serving for lunch. Gee, wonder how the pear got behind the bucket in the closet?

8:30-I finish cleaning up the mudroom and head to the living room, where I find Coen eating someone's toast. Seconds later Coen apparently decides that the toast it not for him and he proceeds to throw the toast onto the floor, square by square, followed by the plate that the toast had been on.

8:36-Runs into the kitchen and before I know what is happening he dumps the cat's food and water bowls.

8:40-Turn to see Coen standing on a kitchen table chair with Regan's toothbrush in his mouth. Throws a couple of blocks that were on the table at the window and then begins yelling 'MAMA!!" over and over in a very annoyed tone of voice. (Hello, little dude, I was not the one that threw the blocks at the window!)

8:42- Coen starts clamoring at my legs and grunting, which is his way of telling me that he wants me to pick him up.

Moments later......Distraction! Coen notices that there is food in the heat register over by his highchair and runs over there to get a closer look. *crunch, crunch* Crap, I have no idea what he just ate!

8:46-I see Coen holding a purple marker that has been missing and before I can grab it out of his chubby hands he manages to scribble on the floor.

8:49-WTH?! How did he get that marker back? And what is in his mouth now?! (Nothing by the time I got to him....I guess it was good enough to swallow.)

8:51-Notices the bright cartoon on the TV and sits onto the floor to watch it while chewing on a board book that happened to be laying where he sat down.

8:55-He finds the telephone and turns it on with a loud, "Hewooo!" He then yells something random at me before noting a piece of toast on the floor from his earlier toast throwing event, and then picks it up and begins eating it. (I guess I missed a piece?)

9:05-Still playing with the phone despite me taking it away from him twice. I don't have it in me to fight him for it a third time and just pray that he does not manage to dial 911.

9:06-Suddenly begins randomly throwing books, toys and papers off of the coffee table until....Oooooh, music on the TV! Distracted again! Stands still to watch TV while chewing on this fingers.

9:10-Coen notices that I am writing in a notebook. Begins grabbing for it and screams wildly when I do not hand it off over to him.

9:11-Starts trying to climb into the couch next to me while yelling, "Dooogies!" (Doggies is his word for breastfeeding, FYI. Don't ask.)

9:20-He is still nursing and rather peacefully for once. I need to get up though and try to unlatch him. Cue crying and screaming like I have just stolen candy right out of his hand.

9:26-Ummm, where did he go now? Looking...looking.....find him in the laundry room stirring the cat litter with a soup ladle. (I guess I should be glad it wasn't his hands?)

9:26-Coen opens the large untensil drawer and begins digging around. There isn't much in there as he has lost most of our spatulas and serving spoons. He finally gets his hands on a whisk, which he pulls out of the drawer and looks satisfied with his catch.

9:30-What is that noise now? Ugh! Find Coen "whisking" that cat litter. What is it with this kid and cat litter? Off to wash his hands again and have him scream when I take the whisk away from him....

9:40-Find him sitting on the living room floor with the dustpan next to him and one of his sandals in his mouth. (I am pretty sure that the dustpan had been in the closed broom closet.)

---break from documenting Coen madness to get some stuff done---

11:00 AM-Coen is throwing Braden's trains onto the floor and against the piano.

11:03-He begins clamoring to nurse again and I let him nurse for about 15 minutes. I finally unlatch him and he freaks out, but quickly moves on once he notices an interesting book on the coffee table and decides to go check it out.

11:10-As I am quickly trying to type out an email I hear a noise coming from the kitchen. Turns out that not only did he manage to reach the pretzels that had been on the counter, but he shook the bag so violently that there were pretzels thrown 7 feet from where he had been standing.

11:11-I begin sweeping up the pretzels and Coen begins snacking out of the dirt pile. And not just on pretzels.

11:16-Coen jumps up and down by the sink and points to the faucet. I give him a cup of water with a lid and then bring him into the bathroom with me so I can take a shower.

11:18-As I am brushing my teeth I look down just in time to see Coen dumping his cup of water into my make-up drawer.

11:22-I being rinsing the conditioner out of my hair as I feel a breeze, like the shower door has been opening. I open my eyes and see Coen standing next to me in the shower. Fully dressed and with socks on his feet. Thankfully the socks were the only clothing item too soaked for him to keep wearing. The rest will dry I guess.

11:30-As I get dressed I suddenly realize that I haven't seen Coen in a few minutes. I find him standing outside on the top of the back steps pointing at something, a bird maybe? I have no clue how he got the back door opened and I close it and make sure that the dead bolt is latched this time.

11:38-I am turning the oven on to make lunch when I see Coen walk into the kitchen drinking a cup of chocolate milk. Except that I have not given him chocolate milk today. Realize that the milk is at least two days old and promptly remove the cup from his hands, thereby prompting Coen to throw a lovely tantrum.

11:47-Walk into the living room to find Coen with my bag and it's contents dumped all over the floor. (The bag had been hanging up on the coat rack, FYI.) I see that he has my last chapstick in his hand and oh, yep, he has eaten this chapstick too.

Noon-Braden is screaming in the bathroom. I run to see what is wrong and when I open the door there is something blocking it from the inside. That something turns out to be Coen and Braden explains that he is screaming because he wants to leave the bathroom. However, each time he approached the door Coen tried to bite him and I think succeeded at least once.

12:07-I sit down with the kids to eat lunch. Coen takes one look at his cup and plate of left over casserole and pushes both away from him with more than a little attitude. He finally does allow me to feed him two bites of food, but then opts to just chew on his straw instead.

12:11-Coen decides he is done with lunch and swiftly pushes his still full plate off of the table. I manage to catch it and save myself from yet another mess to clean off of the floor.

12:12-Naptime! Yes! I take Coen upstairs and when I ask for hugs before laying him down he snuggles into me and lays his head on my chest. I rock him for a moment and remember how much I love him, and all of the frustration from the morning with him quickly melts away.