Seagulls are evil mofo's!

It is nearly 60 degrees outside today. If you have ever spent any time in Northern Wisconsin you know that 60 degrees in the springtime is a Big Deal. As I drank my 3rd cup of coffee this morning I worked on a game plan for the day. After a bit of thought I figured, what a better way to spend a lovely afternoon with my boys but at a lakeside park having a picnic? At least, so I thought.

We packed up a lunch just before noon. I got Braden and Coen all hyped up on the excitement of going to the park. We drove to my favorite park in Superior, a fabulous and very fun park along the shore of Lake Superior. We practically skipped from the truck to the picnic table, flying high on the simple fact that this was our first picnic of the season. I unpacked our food and the boys clapped and giggled as we got settled in. Then, I noticed a seagull fly by. "Hmmm", I thought, "those fuckers had best stay away from our picnic". I am not a seagull fan, and I am even less of a fan of the stupids who feed seagulls. (Sorry if you are one of those people, but dude, DO NOT FEED THE SEAGULLS! Just don't. Really. I mean it.)

As the boys and I dug in to our delicious lunch more seagulls began circling our table. I yelled at them to go away. Then one little bastard landed feet from our table and he looked around like he was assessing the situation. It was then that I swear he started cracking his neck to the left, and then the right, like he was a boxer preparing for a big fight. He then squawked loud as he looked right at me, just daring me to come after him. It briefly crossed my mind to throw my diet coke at him, but of course that would have not set a good example for my kids.

More gulls came in and they all circled the table. I felt like we were being bullied by these nasty sky rats and I could feel my anxiety kicking in. They were plotting to steal our food and I was going to need to stay on guard to make sure that it didn't happen. We managed to finish our lunch without much trouble, but the second we left our table that one bastard flew to the table looking for scraps. Then a fight ensued. Another gull swooped in to scope for scraps too and the two began fighting. Karate chop! Punch! Kick! Slap upside the head! (At least I imagine what would have happened had they had hands rather than wings.) They were going at it good. Finally the bastard gull won and the other flying rat took off.

Before that little bastard left the park he decided to tease me one last time. From across the park I saw him land on a bench, right next to where I had set my Land's End tote bag. He sniffed at it and I could tell that he thought he was The Shit. I could see him smirking at me as he jumped up on the back of the bench with his tail above my bag. No doubt he was preparing to get back at me by pooping in my bag, but I showed him. I ran at him and squawked as loud as I could, scaring the bastard away. "You will not shit in my bag, you fucker!!!", I thought to myself. "Bwhahahahahahahha." I won yet another battle with the gulls and I couldn't be more proud of myself.